Hiba, 32 years old, Syrian

Married, Mother of three

Housewife

“I can be my own therapist now, I can calm myself down and control my emotions to not harm myself or others. I am happy to have had this chance and hope to do the Intisar Foundation’s drama therapy programme again.”

 

My name is Hiba, I am a 32-year-old Syrian living near Bchamoun near Beirut, Lebanon. I am a married mother of three.

I am originally from a village close to the Iraqi border, where my family and I witnessed the war’s most horrific events. We lived through the rise of ISIS, experiencing the horrors of its rule.

There are countless incidents that I want to share with the world. I want people to know what we suffered from, but there are too many to count. At the very beginning, there was one thing that set the tone for the many years that would come after. Two neighbours had had a fight that spread some rumours about one woman. We all knew better than to believe these things, but the ISIS militants in my village wanted to establish their dominance and brought her out to the main road. They made the men of the village come out of their houses and watch as she was publicly executed. I hid in my house, shielding my two young children at the time, but we could hear the screams of terror. My third child was born in these conditions. Many more things followed, and unfortunately, my family and I were there to witness it all. We only got out after about four years which was when we moved to Lebanon.

“I hid in my house, shielding my two young children at the time, but we could hear the screams of terror. We only got out after about four years which was when we moved to Lebanon.”

There are countless incidents that I want to share with the world. I want people to know what we suffered from, but there are too many to count. At the very beginning, there was one thing that set the tone for the many years that would come after. Two neighbours had had a fight that spread some rumours about one woman. We all knew better than to believe these things, but the ISIS militants in my village wanted to establish their dominance and brought her out to the main road. They made the men of the village come out of their houses and watch as she was publicly executed. I hid in my house, shielding my two young children at the time, but we could hear the screams of terror. My third child was born in these conditions. Many more things followed, and unfortunately, my family and I were there to witness it all. We only got out after about four years which was when we moved to Lebanon.

Like many other refugees in Lebanon, my family and I suffer financially. I feel terrible because my children and I are cooped up in one room.

How did I get to know about the Intisar Foundation? I was interested in the idea of the drama therapy programme because I had rarely ever left my house. I suffocated myself out of the fear and stress of daily life. I was often angry and hard on my kids. Even though I love my children, it was so hard to express my feelings of love because I was overwhelmed with negative emotions. I never noticed these patterns until I started to speak about them in the sessions.

Leaving the house every week to do something for me gave me some space to reflect and speak with other women who went through similar difficulties. Although listening to their stories sometimes was not easy, I felt that it gave me perspective on the reality of the world. My husband sometimes objected that I was leaving the house for drama therapy sessions, but I insisted on going because I needed to do something for myself.

I found myself becoming more open and affectionate with my children, more capable of letting things pass without leaving me angry or anxious. I would tell myself “They are children, they are allowed to play because this is the only place they have in the world”. Every time I think that something bad might happen, I tell myself that it will pass with ease. I can be my own therapist now, I can calm myself down and control my emotions to not harm myself or others. I am happy to have had this chance and hope to do the Intisar Foundation’s drama therapy programme again.

“Even though I love my children, it was so hard to express my feelings of love because I was overwhelmed with negative emotions. I never noticed these patterns until I started to speak about them in the sessions.”