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“The group of women with me and I felt at ease, welcomed, and embraced from the first sessions. The sessions happened every Tuesday, and I would look forward to them to have a space for myself, to vent and escape the banality of life. Once, we did a small meditative exercise, as soon as I closed my eyes and listened to the soothing voice of the facilitator, I felt I was taken to a different world.”
My name is Salma, I am 38 years old. I grew up in a village near a large city with my parents and siblings in Syria. I had a happy childhood, we grew our own food, and I married a man I loved. Life seemed idyllic and simple for most of my young life. In 2011, I finally got pregnant with my first child, I thought my happiness was about to be completed.
Little did I know, it was the start of the worst period of my life. Soon after, the war started, aerial bombing destroyed our village in its entirety. I spent months, pregnant, not being able to sleep at night. We ate rotten bread for weeks, we did not have flour or salt to bake fresh bread. I was depressed, stressed, and worried for the baby growing inside me. Like poison spreading through my body, the sleepless nights and fear killed her. She was stillborn. After months of suffering, I could not even celebrate my child’s life.
Months passed like decades, we lived on less than a third of what we needed to sustain ourselves. In 2013, my husband decided to leave to Lebanon. We came to Bchamoun, and lived in a room on the roof of the factory where my husband worked as a welder. I got pregnant again, and this time we realised that my body could not bare children. Again, I lost the baby and plunged into a deep and dark place. I felt as if the world wanted to destroy me. I had no friends, no family, no neighbors except for the men who worked at the factory.
It took all the strength in me to finally remove myself from that horrible place. I started to visit the mosque and learn the Quran. I met the women who lived nearby and became friends with many of them. One of them was pregnant with a boy, I helped her and soon, the child became like my own son. I would bathe him, feed him, watch him grow into the one thing I knew I could never have. I love him as if he’s my own. He is 9 years old now and calls me Mama.
“The session progressed, our friendships deepened, and our happiness grew.
By talking about my past and the many losses I endured, I felt like I was able to make Peace with it. Slowly but surely, I felt more relaxed in my daily life, as if I had been carrying the burden of my past and it was slowly dissipating. I did not forget it, but the emotional
weight of it subsided.”
Years passed; I found my place in Bchamoun. I formed a healthy social circle and found joy in the little things in life. I still love my husband, who always supported me and accepted my shortcomings, as I did his. About seven months, my father who had been suffering from dementia passed away. Grieving his loss was compounded by the distance that separated us and kept me from seeing him in his final years. I attended his funeral through a video call. Once again, I found myself in this dark place, dealing with a loss greater than any before.
About two and a half months after his passing, I learned about the drama therapy programme which was being held by Intisar Foundation at Anamel Centre. I had already attended many vocational and language courses there. I realised that I needed psychological support to deal with the loss of my father, so I joined.
Immediately, the kindness and softness of the team showed itself to us. The group of women with me and I felt at ease, welcomed, and embraced from the first sessions. The sessions happened every Tuesday, and I would look forward to them to have a space for myself, to vent and escape the banality of life. Once, we did a small meditative exercise, as soon as I closed my eyes and listened to the soothing voice of the facilitator, I felt I was taken to a different world.
The session progressed, our friendships deepened, and our happiness grew. By talking about my past and the many losses I endured, I felt like I was able to make Peace with it. Slowly but surely, I felt more relaxed in my daily life, as if I had been carrying the burden of my past and it was slowly dissipating. I did not forget it, but the emotional weight of it subsided. My husband and I worked on our relationship, and his actions or words would at times cause me to go into a blinding rage. The sessions helped me realise his intentions towards me are always good, and I can control my negative reactions better.
“All in all, I felt supported and loved by the group of women who attended with me. This is a big thing that I was missing in my life, a support system or community who understood me and embraced me while I was at my lowest points.”
All in all, I felt supported and loved by the group of women who attended with me. This is a big thing that I was missing in my life, a support system or community who understood me and embraced me while I was at my lowest points. We had common interests and would see each other for coffee outside the sessions, talking and laughing, as if those days in my beautiful village returned.
The final session was a few weeks ago, and I feel an emptiness every Tuesday. But I work on myself at home, I meditate, and breathe while stretching. I keep in touch with the other women, and we spend time together regularly. I wish the sessions would come back, but I also want as many women as possible to experience them.
This experience taught me that no matter what happens, you can always find happiness and heal. Life is not easy for anyone, but everyone can recover and live a more Peaceful and happy life with what they have. I pray that God gives Intisar Foundation more strength to reach more and more women, in Lebanon and other countries. I hope every woman who has experienced pain finds herself in a programme like the one I attended and benefits as I did.
“I pray that God gives Intisar Foundation more strength to reach more and more women, in Lebanon and other countries. I hope every woman who has experienced pain finds herself in a programme like the one I attended and benefits like I did.”
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